why didn't you poke me back
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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