Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
