first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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