Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just tell him i said nine months
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Swine flu is the new snow day.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Randomize
