I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
two words: eviction party
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
