filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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