How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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