you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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