Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
