She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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