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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  as in "white"?

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it

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• (626): View more from California

  I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"

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• (408): View more from California

  I don't have enough holes for all these australians

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok

  (850): View more from Florida

  They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good

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• (619): View more from California

  surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you

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