Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
