my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
