Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
