Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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