Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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