would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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