I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
