I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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