Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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