I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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