I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
