i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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