I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
