john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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