Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
