can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
