So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Damn victory sex feels great
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
