if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
