now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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