1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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