Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
