Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
