TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
