just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
