Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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