i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
