Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
