she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
