Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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