I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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