if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
