Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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