We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
