you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
