He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk is a universal language darling
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
