maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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