NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
