I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my sisters under your porch take her home
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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