Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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