Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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