Acid is not a monday night drug
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
