Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize