do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
