in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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