My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
