Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
