jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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