Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
