So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
