Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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