is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
