i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
