next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
