I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
