dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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