Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
